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Hormonal Hell (Part Two)

While I happily haven’t had a period in almost eight months, I’m questioning my younger self for wanting to trade periods in for menopause. I honestly don’t know that the alternative to periods is any better!

The past two months my menopause symptoms have become much worse. Some days I liken menopause to climbing Mount Everest. Like I’m fighting to reach the peak with legs that feel weighted down. Quite literally steps are like trudging through knee high mud.

I’m so tired. As a result my energy is low. It takes all I have (and some that I don’t) to be remotely active after work. Going for an easy walk is a big feat. It saddens me greatly to see how much I’ve changed this year. Mentally and physically. I’ve gained a whopping 30 pounds from this day last year. That’s friggin’ unacceptable! I’m gobsmacked I allowed this to happen. To say this plays a role in my mental state of despair and sadness is an understatement.

This is a viscous cycle. My body hurts and I’m exhausted, so I don’t exercise. Because I don’t exercise I’m inactive and burn less calories. Combine that with the natural sluggish menopause metabolism, and I have even less of a calorie burn. To make matters even worse, sugar cravings are intense during menopause. Fluctuating blood sugar levels increase those cravings more. And when you have some OCD and eating disorder tendencies, you’re basically a walking jelly filled donut.

Lack of self esteem is a real downer. I seriously think that is one of the top reasons people suffer from depression. When we feel good about ourselves we feel better overall. There is just something extremely powerful in self esteem and self worth. It’s hard to practice self love when you’re unhappy with yourself. And without self love it’s difficult to find motivation, appreciation, strength and compassion for yourself. How we feel about ourselves is our biggest most powerful relationship. If that’s the foundation for a happy life, and you hate yourself, you’re in an exhausting and unhealthy battle. That’s about where I’m at right now. War. At war with myself.

My erratic emotions are extremely sensitive right now. More than ever before. I can cry just thinking about something that upsets me. If it even slightly annoys me, I’ll get mad. Even if something doesn’t annoy me there’s a chance I’ll get angry! I absolutely do not like how angered I can become. It’s not me. It’s meno-me, and she’s unlikable!

I really hope this is the peak and I’ll start descending from this mountain soon. I’m ASSuming I might be close to that point since I “technically” have four months left. (But who’s counting?) If this isn’t the peak, Lord help me when me when it gets worse.

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